Healthy relationships make life easier to face. That is a deep truth.
When we know our partner “has our back” and believes in us, we are stronger to face the challenges of life. We all know this on some level. What researchers didn’t realize until recently is that a secure and connected relationship literally reduces our experience of pain.
Check out this study:
Dr. Sue Johnson, the pioneer of Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy, discovered something incredible through her groundbreaking research. It was very simple: before beginning therapy, she asked participants to go into an MRI machine and receive a series of moderately painful electric shocks to the ankle. They measured how strongly the brain reacted to the pain when a stranger and then a spouse held the subject’s hand.
When couples were facing difficulty in their relationship, there was nodifference inthe subjects’ perception of pain. Whether a stranger or a spouse held their hand, the shock hurt.
But somehow, after going through Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy, the results were different. After having intimate, connected, emotionally safe, bonding conversations, guided by the caring support of a trained therapist, they notice meaningful improvements in their relationship. When the therapy is over and participants return to the MRI machine with the same kind of a shock to the ankle, the brain reacts differently when the spouse is holding their hand. The pain is reported as merely “uncomfortable,” and the MRI revealed that the participant is feeling calm and secure.
All this is changed simply by cultivating loving connection and presence in the relationship through Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy. This is amazing!
(Check out the video describing the findings here)
We can change our perception of the same pain simply by feeling more connected and supported in love.
This is only a small example of how beneficial it is to sit down and have heartfelt, and often difficult, conversations with our partner in a safe environment.
A securely connected relationship makes our lives, community, and world a better place to live in. It also makes the inevitable ups and downs of life easier to handle.
I hope that knowing about this study is encouraging to couples. Our brains CHANGE in therapy when it is working right. By coming to therapy and having a series of bonding conversations, you are building and creating a new experience for your brain as well as building its experience of trust and safety with the person you love.
Just think how beneficial that will be as you face the inevitable struggles of life together!